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I'm Nyaze (en-YAH-zay). Writer and producer of pixels. Father of two. Husband of the one and only, Mel... Cis het neo-liberal Asiatic Black dude living in the city of Lost Aztecs. I am 1/2 of podcast Woke With Kids. 

Dear God #2

Dear God #2

Dear God,

Is dissatisfaction the cause of the universe? Don't tell me. Here are my thoughts.

There are two ways things can be unsatisfactory: one is when things are bad but can be become good and two is when things are good but can become bad. When things are bad but can become good, there is hope in the future but no contentment in the present. When things are good but can become bad, there is dread of the future, longing for the past, and still no contentment in the present. It’s like those sliding puzzles with one piece missing. We are always in the empty spot. 

I’ve been looking at self-help books recently. Some of them are by mystics who want to teach you how to live in the present. Others are by business people who want to teach you to think beyond it to create a better future. They both mean well. 

Is it funny how we’re never where we want to be? 

I’ve been thinking of perpetual motion machines and how nothing we know of in the universe meets the definition. Not even the sun… We don’t know if the universe will last. Some, I imagine, hope it will. Others, curiously, want it to end so that something better than happen. 

Maybe thinking about time as bigger than the universe is the mistake. It’s probably just a component, right? Does time matter to a hydrogen atom? Does it ever fundamentally change? To living things that do change, however, time seems to be the most important thing there is. But maybe it’s just a matter of perspective. Time exists, but only in context. That removes the whole problem of the universe’s beginning and ending. It just is and if you’re in it then you experience this thing called _time_. 

If there’s some utility to time besides killing living things, it’s in the way old things become new ones. Old skin is replaced by new skin. Old people are replaced with new people. The universe seems to like new. It’s pointless to ask why things change: things change because they experience time or things experience time because they change. Wherever you enter the river, you get wet. 

New Music / "Blood Money"

New Music / "Blood Money"

Dear God #1

Dear God #1